Sex is an essential part of everyone’s life. And to maintain a well-balanced relationship, everyone needs a healthy sex life. Physical intimacy can bring two people close. Now, what two people like will mostly depend on their personal preferences, which is why sex is often tailor-made. That said, a critical aspect of sex is oral sex. While many love receiving it, when it comes to giving, people often have second thoughts. Oral sex is like the icing on the cake that you can’t resist. Moreover, oral sex before penetration can help both you and your partner feel aroused, making penetration an easy process and more enjoyable.

But just because many love to taste the cream first before eating the cake, many may not like it, similarly, many don’t feel comfortable giving oral sex. If you have a partner who enjoys it when you go down but doesn’t feel like giving it back, it’s time to understand why! Do you know that oral sex can improve happiness, mental satisfaction, and overall mental health? Sex is a two-way process. If one partner reciprocates positively and the other doesn’t, it can increase tensions about the couple. Once you finish going down and when your partner doesn’t, it may make the partner feel incomplete, as if something is missing.

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Five Reasons Why Your Partner Does Want to Go Down

Before you judge your partner for not giving you oral sex, it is better to learn some of the reasons why people avoid giving oral sex. Yes, it’s not always your partner being selfish or that he or she doesn’t care about you; sometimes, the reasons can be deep-rooted and genuine.

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Your Partner Could Be Insecure

When a partner feels insecure about their bodies, they may refuse to give you oral sex. They may not tell you this directly, but you will see them feeling nervous about going down. Since people are generally insecure about their bodies, they may feel that after giving you oral sex, you will like to return them the favor by going down on them as well. And that’s where the barrier gets created. Since they don’t want it, they will often refuse to give it to you.

Society has created a lot of discrimination about our bodies, sexuality, and what we should do and not in regards to sexual intercourse. Unfortunately, some people get affected by it to an extreme length, and since they fail to find support and help to overcome their issues, they end up hurting people they are close to.

Your Partner Might Have Had a Bad Oral Sex Experience in the Past

Some people can have a poor oral sex experience in the past. For example, they might not have liked touching the vagina with their tongue or lips. They might not have liked the scent, might have felt the vagina to be too loose, or the public hair touching their face, especially their mouth. Yes, all these things can make your partner ditch on you when it comes to giving oral sex.

Oral Sex Might Trigger Bad Memories

This is rather serious but quite important. Child sexual abuse is a huge concern. Do you know that 1 out of 53 boys and 1 out of 9 girls suffer from sexual abuse under 18? Someone who has suffered from child sexual abuse will often have post-traumatic stress disorder, otherwise known as PTSD. If your partner denies giving you oral sex, the matter can be way too serious than you think. It may trigger their PTSD. Childhood sexual abuse can have complex long-term effects. Childhood sexual abuse survivors often show withdrawal symptoms.

Your Partner is Simply not Selfless

Sometimes the reason behind your partner not giving you can be, in fact, as simple as you think, which is that your partner is downright selfish. They are not bothered about your pleasure and happiness. Think about it in another way. Do you live with a partner who is selfish overall? If yes, then you have your answer! If your partner often asks you to go down but never takes the initiative to make you feel better or want to have quick sex, your partner is simply not bothered.

Your Partner Might Not be interested in Oral Sex at all

It shouldn’t surprise you if your partner doesn’t like oral sex. There are many who don’t like the feeling of going down. The same can be said about going down on them. Not that the person is selfish or may be suffering from childhood trauma, but they simply don’t like it. People can consider oral sex to be dirty, which stops them from giving you pleasure. This usually happens when they are controlled by society and obey whatever they learn from society.

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What to do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want to Give Oral Sex?

Be Straightforward and Ask Your Partner Why Not?

Before you start blaming your partner for not being considerate, hold and think about it. Probably, the reason is not him but you! Yes, you! Although you may feel a bit offended, maybe you are not keeping your vagina fresh and clean. A clean vagina always has a different scent than an unclean one. So, talk to your partner find out whether it’s only you that they are not giving oral sex too? Clean yourself every time you want to have sex, especially oral sex.

Tell Your Partner About the Importance of Oral Sex

Sometimes you will just have to take the initiative and tell them upfront how oral sex makes you feel and why it is essential. If you don’t tell them, they will never know and learn and think that giving oral sex is not essential. And by not explaining, you will never be able to clear the distance that oral sex has created.

Help Your Partner After Understanding Your Partner’s Issues

If you come to know that they indeed have some issues, be patient with them. There is a reason why you are a couple. You don’t have to face your partner right away; instead, show them you care by being patient. The more you are patient, the better it will be for your partner to heal. Hence, give them time. Show them your love, show them that you care and are there for them.

Never Be Demanding. This May Not be Easy for Your Partner

You have to be considerate towards your partner. What if they are doing something just to please you and not feeling it? Everyone has different sexual preferences, and it’s perfectly normal to be different. Hence, don’t demand and force them to do something just because you want them to. Be easy on them because giving oral sex to you might not be comfortable to them.

You Can Initiate It Too if Your Partner Doesn’t

You should never feel afraid to initiate. If your partner is feeling anxious about giving you oral sex, take the leash on your hands. Why don’t you go down on your partner, make them feel good about the whole experience, and then let them come back to you? Mostly, when a partner initiates oral sex or a blow job, the other returns it.

Respect Your Partner’s Feelings and Don’t Push Him

This is almost the same as not being demanding, but the reason we highlight not to be pushy is that you could be triggering their PTSD. Someone who has suffered from childhood sexual abuse will be hampered more if you push them. You never know what your partner might have gone through. That’s why you need to speak to them, find out the reasons behind their reluctance, don’t be pushy, and help your partner to overcome the problem.

Ask Your Partner If They Are Willing to Try Sixty-Nine

If it’s the first time for both of you and this is the reason why your partner is reluctant, be a part of the fun. Go for the sixty-nine position! While your partner is down on you, you can go down on them as well. This way, your partner will feel less pressured and self-conscious.

Take Your Partner to a Counsellor if it Has to do with Past Memories and Experience

If your partner is struggling with PTSD and has been a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, find help for them. They need professional help not just because they are frightened to give you oral sex but because they genuinely need to get rid of their childhood trauma to live a normal life.

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Reasons Why Oral Sex Is Good for You and Your Partner

Because It Helps You to Increase Your Intimacy

Oral sex doesn’t only feel good, but it improves the intimacy of the couple too. Oral sex is about giving selflessly so that the partner feels good about her. For many women, oral sex is a way for them to feel wanted and desired. Not that you should consider oral sex to be the only way to be close to your partner, but regular oral sex is a clear sign of adoration.

Because There is No Right or Wrong Way to Experience Sex

When it comes to sex, anything and everything can be exciting. Of course, respect and mutual acceptance have to be there, but if someone enjoys oral sex, then that’s their way of enjoying sex. And there’s nothing wrong with that. What makes you happy and makes you feel comfortable depends on the individual.

Because Oral Sex Can Turn Out to be More Intimate

Oral sex or blow job, either of the one, is all about giving. You become selfless and put everything to make the other person feel aroused, pleased, and pleasured. And this is the reason why it is more intimate than penetrative sex. Of course, you can have casual sex and still achieve orgasm, but imagine a person enjoying oral sex and attaining orgasm. This clearly shows that their partner cares for them, which is why they have let them come without penetration.

How to Give Oral Sex to Your Partner?

●  Ask for Permission First

If you are the giver, you must ask for permission first. The reason? Your partner may not want it. Probably, your partner is not in the mood. Don’t feel disappointed if they say, instead give them the space they want and ask later. Partners need to understand each other’s feelings. Even if the partner denies it, don’t take it personally. Instead, try and understand why they are not in the mood.

●  Use Your Eyes First and Then Hands

If you have your partner’s permission, make them feel that you want to give her oral sex. Therefore, before giving them oral sex, look at their vagina or penis. Then start using your fingers and play with their private parts. This will make your partner aroused, wanting to have more.

●  Use Your Lips and Tongue

When you start using your mouth, you need to begin by using your lips. Give a chaste kiss and then licking the region. Try to absorb the complete experience. Be present, enjoy the taste, sensation, smell, and texture. While using your lips and tongue, ensure to check on your partner. Watch them enjoying the whole experience, feeling aroused, and moaning.

●  Use Your Hands 

As you progress, add your hands too. Keep touching the sides of your partner’s leg. And don’t forget to include the finger game. Your fingers will increase their feelings, and they will love it even more. Use your sense of touch and notice what is happening to your partner.

●  Enjoy Your Time

Finally, enjoy the time you are giving oral sex to your partner. Be creative and use your imagination. You can light some candles, play an erotic song, or even watch an erotic movie. Anything that will allow you both to enjoy the moment.

Parting Words

Make your oral sex experience great, not just for yourself, but for your partner too. Sex can be of any kind, and you need it to maintain a healthy relationship. Oral sex, for example, is about knowing and learning your partner’s body. So, work on your closeness and try to incorporate oral sex in your sexual routine often.

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